I Don’t Know

Recently I caught myself saying another version of “I don’t know” for the ump-teenth time in just a few short weeks.  I could hear myself uttering variations such as “I wish I knew”, “I want clarity please!”, “Tell me the answer” or “Please make this clear”.  Regardless of the words coming out of my mouth I was feeling confused and knee-deep in struggle about what to do.

In the split second before hearing this latest “I don’t know” I realized I did know the answer – I just didn’t want to hear it.  I could almost feel myself pulling a veil over my face again so I could continue on with the “not knowing” illusion.  I think the Universe was a little tired of this game I was playing because within the hour the answer was shown in no uncertain terms through a somewhat unpleasant sequence of events.

This got me thinking about how many times I have played the “I don’t know” card to avoid being honest with myself.  The struggle and confusion is clearly my first clue I’m not prepared to accept the answer before me and I need to truly listen.  And when I honestly don’t have a clue, the answer is waiting through patience, honesty and paying attention.